Waking Up From A Dream

2006-02-25 - 5:22 a.m.

It’s 4 am. I’m taking a break from sewing to smoke a cigarette and write a little. I’m fixing the belt loops on a pair of bondage pants. You’d really think bondage pants of all things would be a little sturdier, but apparently these belt loops where never intended to actually hold a belt, they where just for decoration. So I’m fixing this flaw. And I stopping to write… because Lisa told me too. Hehe.

Actually it was really great to hear her voice today. Now I have her number and she has mine, and keeping in touch gets even easier. I’m really excited for her, and really excited about the trip to Michigan for her wedding. One: it’s my best friends wedding…. I’m going to be her Maid of honor. It’s amazing and wonderful, I gladly keep the promise I made in High School. We promised to be the maid of honor at each other’s weddings when she moved to Michigan so long ago… and now years later I’m planning a trip to keep that promise. It just really says something about our friendship, considering the time, distance, and everything each of us has been through. It makes me giddy actually, the wedding, the feeling be asked to be there gives me. And Two: I get to get out of Butler for a few days. Which is just exactly what I need, a break from the things that make me crazy on a daily basis. I’m only gonna be able to be with Lisa for two days or so, ya know with the wedding and honeymoon and all. But I’m thinking about seeing if Max and Scotty would mind a visit since they’re right there in Detroit. But I seem to have lost their number, so I shall have to e-mail them. But yeah, just around the bend, all that great stuff.

But yeah Lisa told me to write… I explained that my life was boring. But she wasn’t buying it. My rants, contemplations, and observations about the world have been demanded. LOL And though it’s a great compliment I find myself unable to come up with anything good. I guess the realization that Lisa and I are keeping childhood promises just blows my mind. It really is a rare thing any more. Real true best friends, people really willing to stick by each other through the good and the bad is just so rare. It’s something of stories, movies, and daytime television. And maybe I’m weird but for me because of my morals and faith… it’s a really great honor to stand for Lisa at her wedding. It is believed that during early Celtic marriages you not only had to ask the mother of both people for permission but the bride and the grooms closest friend was also asked. Though accounts of how that actually worked vary. But it is believed that this was done because your mother was your protector ((as you where kinda still a child till married)) but your closest friend new your heart and soul better then anyone else. Most people wouldn’t really see the Maid of Honor and Best Man like that now… But I still think of it as a great honor.

I’m slowly but surely finding my motivation. In fact it’s already 5 am. I’m still sewing and I’m not really tired at all... which might be less motivation and more insomnia but… I’ll take it. I’m also trying really hard to make sure I have music on all the time. Music always makes me feel more alive... and sometimes that translates into more motivated. Got a little itinerary for stuff I need to do that I work out every week. Just a few things each day, and nothing unrealistic. I’m not following it perfectly yet but I’m trying and I’m improving. I’m also remembering to put stuff for myself on it. Like making time to visit with friends and the pants I’m sewing. Seems like small stuff but lately I get so easily overwhelmed with everything that needs done… I look at the big picture instead of taking it in chunks… and those little things get pushed aside because “I have so much to do”. Or when I do do them I feel guilty. So I’m learning to take things in small manageable chunks, to make time for things for myself, to not plan too far ahead unless I need to, and to not expect so much of myself all the time. I’m also learning to go with things and not freak when the schedule changes. I guess this little motivational exercise that is suppose to help me with getting chores and other such things done is kinda a big old metaphor for life. HUH. I hadn’t even realized that till I wrote it out. Guess I’m accomplishing more then I thought. Funny that.