She's Taking Her Time...

2005-09-02 - 4:39 a.m.

It’s almost 4am. I’m all alone again. I’m drinking Melon Ball Wine and listening to tunes. Chuancey is listening to me ramble and I feel bad that he’s the one who hears me whine.

The music is somewhere between angry and depressing, which fits my moods lately. I’m sitting here chain-smoking while my uterus attempts to claw its way out of my abdomen.

I’m thinking of beating AJ in the head with a bat and stealing him for an afternoon, I’m thinking of wasting money I don’t have on gas to go see Chuancey. (not that it would really be a waste, I just need to save bucks for SIBcon.) I want to waste money singing karaoke Wednesday, on the off chance I’ll run into old friends. I want to write Mark an e-mail explaining why I suddenly feel hurt and used. I want to write to Myke and tell him all the reasons I think he’s being silly, and how much I miss having a friend. I want to feel close to Lisa again, I know it’s my own fault I don’t.

I want to speak Spanish, Latin, German, French, Islamic, Hebrew, Greek, and Sindarin. I want my life to be going somewhere.

I’m drinking wine and listening to Greenday. “Wake Me Up When September Ends”

I wrote a poem. I don’t feel like sharing though. Not now, maybe never. I want to, but it’s pathetic. Well written, enjoyable, poetic, singable even. Still pathetic.

Section 8 is closed, went down Monday. Which isn’t good for me. I’m not sure what’s gonna happen if Josh moves. Ben and I are checking other options, roommates and such. I’m afraid I might loose the kittens… I love my babies so much… I will not loose my babies. They are the last things I really have, and I love them. I’ve lost too much already.

Enough now… I’m whining.